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It has a theme tune that sounds like greedy babies being bounced on knees, and it’s so well crafted it only takes 20 seconds to catch up with everything that’s happened since 1954. The Archers is a radio show about the pressures of modern rural life. Radio 4 is the reason rational people love to pay the television license fee despite the existence of shows like Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps (pronounced ‘toolcrips’, or more simply, ‘shit’). Don’t rush it.īefore you play Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture, you should also be familiar with The Archers, or at the very least Radio 4. Much like waiting for the next bus, it forces you to consider the events that led here - whether it’s leaving the house late to avoid smalltalk with a neighbour, or exploring a glowing village where everyone has mysteriously disappeared. Walking gives you a chance to gently absorb Yaughton, but also to think about the stuff you’ve seen. Just because it exists, it doesn’t mean you should use it like a bidet, or emojis. The run button should be viewed with suspicion. Apply this logic to Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture, and you’ll be fine. If you’re late for the bus, it’s best to pretend you never intended to catch it, because a 40-minute wait is better than a 10-second sprint which makes you look like you’re struggling with an invisible tuba. Speaking generally (by which I absolutely mean ‘personally speaking’), English people run like they’re wearing clown shoes made of meat. That’s a hobby, and is therefore perfectly acceptable, because you’re dressed correctly and it happens through choice and not circumstance. I mean, we can run, but we usually choose not to.

But it’s also because English people can’t run.

This is partly because it’s gorgeous, and running past something so lovely would be vulgar, like drinking Pinot Gris out of a flower pot. That leads neatly onto my next point: walking.

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